Hunter Biden Arrested At Ukrainian Border

finally!

Hunter Biden, son of President Joe Biden, has been arrested at the Russian border to Ukraine.

The arrest occurred on Saturday morning, as Mr. Biden was attempting to cross the border into Ukraine.

Russian border authorities claim that he was carrying “a large amount of contraband” that he obtained in Russia and was attempting to smuggle into Ukraine.

His ultimate destination was apparently the Ukrainian capitol of Kyiv, where he was slated to participate in a clandestine meeting with unspecified government officials.

Given the past accusations regarding his involvement in the Ukraine and the current volatility in the region, this incident has the potential to spark an international backlash against the Russian government.

The specific charge appears to be related to banned exports from Russia into the Ukraine, which have been a part of the sanctions imposed against the Baltic state for over two years now.

Hunter Biden is currently being held in Moscow pending his arraignment.

In a news conference on Saturday morning, Russian foreign minister Sergei Lavrov justified the arrest:

“Mr. Hunter was apprehended with two gallons of Borscht, loaded with extra taters. This is a direct violation of our export laws. In order to prevent the Ukrainian people from becoming overweight, we only permit the export of Borscht containing at most three taters per gallon. His Borscht contained at least five taters per gallon. Who knows how many premature deaths from obesity he could have caused? We did this out of our sincere concern for the Ukrainian people.

In addition to the Borscht, we found a laptop in Mr. Biden’s possession that had contraband Borscht recipes on its drive. Because Borscht recipes are a Russian state secret, he will also be charged with violating the national secrecy act.”

Hunter Biden’s Borscht loaded with taters.

While it is too soon to know how this will ultimately play out, it is only the latest in a long string of controversies surrounding the son of a sitting United States president.

About Watt A Plonker 26 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.