Pelosi Bill Requires Women to Donate Breast Milk to Refugee Families at Border

udderly ridiculous!

Washington, DC – Nancy Pelosi has a solution for the baby formula shortage. But it’s not what you might think.

Ever the Socialist, the speaker of the house last week proposed a bill that would require all women who are lactating to donate a minimum daily amount of milk to a newly established “Strategic Breast Milk Reserve” (SBMR).

The bill passed in the House this morning largely on a party line vote, with only Republicans Matt Gaetz and Madison Cawthorn voting for the bill because they felt “strangely aroused” by it.

A proposed amendment by Gaetz and Cawthorn that would have allowed ordinary citizens to purchase milk from the strategic reserve was not included in the final bill.

The bill is expected to also pass in the Senate along party lines, with Vice President Kamala Harris casting the tie breaking vote.

Under the bill, women who are lactating will be required to contribute between one and three gallons of breast milk to the SBMR per day, depending on breast size, with 44 DD’s representing the upper range of the scale. Women will, however, be permitted to keep enough milk to feed their own infants.

The nationwide effort will be facilitated via congressional funding of breast milking farms to be installed at Walmart stores across the country. Each store will have up to 150 fully automated breast milking stations and an observation deck featuring a milk shake and hot dog stand.

Milk from the SBMR will then be distributed to refugee families at the border, which has seen an acute shortage over the past few months. Any excess milk will be flash frozen for future emergencies.

Pelosi spokeswoman Tracy “Fun Bags” Wardovkina clarified the reasoning behind the bill, saying that “all American women need to put their mammaries to good use in this time of crisis and help their fellow human beings. I might be dry as a desert, but at least you can buy lube, You can’t buy breast milk.”

We attempted to contact male Republican senators for their opinion, but they were all at Walmart purchasing season tickets and milk shake gift cards for the observation decks.

About Watt A Plonker 26 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.