Elon Musk To Reactivate Trump, Make Major Changes To Twitter

no more censorship

It has been a turbulent week for Elon Musk, even by Elon Musk standards.

After buying social media giant Twitter for 44 billion dollars, the iconic SpaceX “rocket man” and Tesla electric automobile pioneer has big plans for the company.

As CEO and majority owner of the now private company, Musk will pretty much be able to do as he pleases.

Naturally, this will also please conservatives tired of restrictions on their freedom of speech and the censorship imposed on them by other social media companies such as Facebook and Instagram.

Musk has vowed that one of the first things he will do as CEO is to reinstate conservative voices that were banned under the old leadership, most notably the account of former President Donald Trump.

Trump spokeswoman Liz Harrington issued the following statement in response to the news:

“While it is sad that it took a man born in South Africa to restore the constitutional rights of The President of the United States of America, we are nevertheless grateful for this gesture. The President will soon assume his rightful position as the most influential person in Twitter’s history.”

However, Musk doesn’t plan on stopping there. According to leaked internal documents there will be major, and sometimes eyebrow raising changes to the platform.

Those include:

  • The ability to edit Tweets for a monthly subscription of $15.99.
  • The ability to edit other users’ Tweets at a cost of $4.99 per edit, with the goal to “provide a fun environment for all users”.
  • Twitter accounts with more than 100,000 followers will have the opportunity to produce 20 second monologues to be featured on a new streaming service, Twitter Plaid.
  • A completely new feature called “Chirps” where users can post 14 second sound bites; Chirps can re rechirped and responded to with chirps from other users. A thread of Chirps will be called a “Cacophony”.
  • An online marijuana store featuring over 1,000 different strains at guaranteed low prices, delivered to your rooftop via drones.
  • A monthly lottery for Twitter users. The four lucky winners will win a trip to the newly installed “SpaceX Heavenly Bar and Grill” module on the International Space Station, where they can share joints, cocktails and burgers with space station personnel.
About Watt A Plonker 26 Articles
Watt A. Plonker is a Wurlitzer Prize winning journalist and author of several books on Potato Farming. His latest book, "The Tantalizing Truth About Taters" was on the New York Times best seller list and was awarded the prestigious Creme de la Menthe prize for Culinary Science Fiction. Mr. Plonker lives in Peckham, South East London with his wife Gladys, who is a nurse with the National Health Service, and his pet hamster Rodney.