New Rideshare App Will Drive Customers For Abortions


The internet age has brought us all many new comveniences: food delivery from virtually anywhere, laundry services, and cheap, filthy pornography on demand.  Now a leading company in the cyber wheels department has kicked it all up a notch and stepped boldly into the lights of partisan politics.

Uber, the king taxi service who’s holdings also include Uber Eats and footwear giant Uber Feets, has just developed a new rideshare app that will cater exclusively to women seeking abortion in “troublesome” areas: UberBortion.

“Golly gee! That sounds UBERIFFIC!”

UberBortion will work similar to Uber in operation, but will maintain itself from a list of women who sign up once they’re engaged in regular sexual activity.  (The same list is transmitted to several dating sites unless the user opts out.)

UberBortion is already setting up fleets of “BortionBots”, self-driving vehicles set up with comfortable seats, drinks and snacks, and musical entertainment.  Each ‘Bot will cost only ten dollars more than a normal Uber.

Sandy Batt of Women Opposed to Women, is already bitching and moaning about the service because she’s “conservative”, which used to mean “traditional” and is now a synonym for “ridiculously insane.”

“This is a disgusting dance to avoid the Supreme Court’s judgement.  We will petition Congress and the Senate to ban these vehicles before they’re even in operation.  And dancing.  No more dancing or tampons.  Keep your legs closed.”

The UberBortion vehicles are currently “undercover”, appearing as common cars and vans.  Will these heroes of W.O.W. even be able to identify them?

Being that they still have trouble playing a DVD or mopping up their own drool, I’m guessing NO.